Navigating Unconscious Sexual Gratification
From unconscious patterns to conscious sexuality ~ a path to better sex, and a richer, more connected life.
In the quest for fulfillment, navigating unconscious sexual gratification is akin to walking through a maze blindfolded, unaware of the turns we take and the paths we choose. Only by removing the blindfold—embracing awareness, intention, and mindfulness—can we truly find the depth of connection and intimacy we seek.
Unraveling Unconscious Sexual Gratification
Unconscious sexual gratification refers to the pursuit of pleasure without intentional awareness, driven by underlying often unconscious desires, unresolved issues and compulsive habits. This common yet complex phenomenon can have pretty significant repercussions on our mental health, relationships, and overall self-image.
To shed light on this topic, let’s delve into the top 5 ways unconscious sexual gratification can be harmful:
1. Impact on Mental Health
Dr. Lisa Diamond, a renowned sex therapist, emphasizes how unconscious sexual behaviors may lead to “feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety, contributing to a negative impact on mental health.”
Personal Inquiry: How do feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety manifest in your life due to unconscious sexual behaviors?
Call to Action: Take a moment to think, or better yet write!, about these emotions, exploring their origins and impact on your mental well-being. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional for support if you think that might be useful for you.
2. Strained Relationships
According to Dr. David Ley, a clinical psychologist specializing in sexuality, the pursuit of gratification without conscious awareness can “create a void in emotional connection, straining intimate relationships.”
Personal Inquiry: In what ways have you noticed a void in emotional connection within your intimate relationships due to unconscious sexual gratification?
Call to Action: Initiate an open conversation with your partner about emotional needs and desires, fostering a deeper understanding of each other’s emotional landscapes.
3. Escapism and Avoidance:
Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of “Come As You Are,” notes that unconscious sexual behaviors often serve as a form of escapism, acting as a distraction from addressing underlying issues in our lives.
Personal Inquiry: How has engaging in unconscious sexual behaviors served as a form of escapism, preventing you from addressing underlying issues in your life?
Call to Action: Identify one unresolved issue and commit to taking a small step towards addressing it. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed.
4. Addictive Patterns:
Dr. Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in the field of sex addiction treatment, warns about the potential for unconscious sexual gratification to manifest as addictive patterns, leading to “compulsive behaviors that interfere with daily functioning.”
Personal Inquiry: In what ways do you recognize compulsive behaviors related to unconscious sexual gratification interfering with your daily life?
Call to Action: Create a list of healthy alternatives or activities to engage in when the urge for compulsive behavior arises. Develop a support system to help you navigate through challenging moments.
5. Negative Self-Image:
Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, highlights how constant engagement in unconscious sexual gratification may contribute to “a negative self-image, impacting overall self-esteem.”
Personal Inquiry: How has engagement in unconscious sexual gratification contributed to a negative self-image for you?
Call to Action: Challenge negative self-talk by affirming positive aspects of yourself daily. Consider seeking professional guidance to explore and reshape your self-perception.
The Journey to Recover Conscious Sexuality In Your Life
Recovering from unconscious sexual gratification and embracing a more conscious approach involves intentional steps and self-reflection. Here are a few you can consider:
- Self-Reflection and Understanding
To initiate change, Dr. Gina Ogden, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist, recommends starting with self-reflection: “Understanding your sexual behaviors and identifying patterns is crucial for meaningful change.”
- Professional Support and Guidance
Seeking the guidance of a certified sex therapist or counselor is pivotal in this journey. Dr. Ian Kerner, a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sexuality counselor, encourages individuals to “connect with a professional who can provide valuable insights and support throughout the recovery (or repatterning process.”
- Open Communication in Relationships
Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on marriage and relationships, underscores the importance of open communication: “Share your feelings, concerns, and goals with your partner to foster a supportive environment conducive to growth and understanding.”
- Mindfulness Practices for Increased Self-Awareness
Mindfulness, a key element in the journey to conscious sexuality, involves being fully present and aware of one’s thoughts and actions. Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, a pioneer in mindfulness-based stress reduction, defines mindfulness as “the awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.”
- Embracing Conscious Sexuality
As we transition toward conscious sexuality, incorporating mindful practices becomes paramount:
Mindful Connection: Dr. Lori Brotto, a psychologist and sex researcher, advocates for engaging in sexual activities with mindfulness: “Focus on the sensations, emotions, and connection with your partner (or with yourself!) for a more enriching experience.”
Consent and Boundaries: Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist and research fellow at The Kinsey Institute, stresses the importance of clear communication and respect for boundaries: “Prioritize consent and open communication to create a safe and comfortable space for all parties involved.”
Emotional Intimacy: Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples, emphasizes the role of emotional intimacy: “Foster emotional connection alongside physical engagement for a more profound and fulfilling sexual experience.”
Continuous Communication: Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz, a sex therapist and professor, highlights the significance of ongoing communication: “Regularly check in with your partner about desires, needs, and any changes in your sexual relationship to maintain a healthy and evolving connection.”
Ongoing Education: Dr. Marty Klein, a sex therapist and author, encourages individuals to stay informed: “Invest time in learning about healthy sexual practices, attend workshops, and read reputable resources to continuously evolve in your understanding of conscious sexuality.”
A Transformative Journey
Reclaiming a healthy, conscious sexuality is a transformative process, unique to each individual. As Dr. David Schnarch, a licensed clinical psychologist and sex therapist, aptly puts it (and I heartily agree), “Sexuality is a living, breathing entity that evolves with us. Embrace the journey, be patient, and celebrate every small victory.”
I can help you embark on the path to conscious sexuality + eroticism through tailored coaching, counseling and mindful erotic massage sessions. Remember, the journey is as significant as the destination—embrace it, learn from it, and allow it to shape a more fulfilling and mindful erotic evolution for you.
